Sneakerhead Satirist Gifts

'A journey of a thousand miles begins with a profitable sneaker endorsement.'

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

Emergency Hipster Beard

'Top of the line sport shoes: They've improved my top speed by 0.5 kmh...'

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

Thunk! Teddy! Pick them up! They're toxic to all living things! Ok. Ok. But you don't have to exaggerate. Regrettably � I'm not.

Support Group for high heels abandoned during the pandemic

'Have you any W fronts?'

"Wait, I'll go down with you. I'm just changing back into my rubber-soled actionwear."

Maria had always said you could never have too many shoes. Actually, she was wrong.

The Inventor of the Man Bun!

'The meaning of life is to get a nice sneaker contract.'

Running shoes? You have the wrong idea about "fasting," Brother Ernest!

"Do you have a shoe for roaming and prowling?"

'We live in a designer trainer.'

"Would you like something by an over promoted high-price athlete or a nobody from Jersey?"

'It must be love if your sneakers melted!'

"Gap... Tony Soprano fit"

"Got to have a pair of those!"

'... And for $50 more, this is the same basketball shoe in a turbo model.'

Shoe Repair and Pest Control.

Casting out the Shoe Devil.

"Wingtips--this is a white collar gang."

"And the best feature of this shoe is you'll look Athletic even if you're not."

'Bad news. Your arm is too injured to hold up those sneakers you endorse on TV.'

'Yes, but it was a glass ballet flat that I lost.'

'So how did Hakeem take it when you told him we'd be paying him in footwear instead of cash this year, for being our spokesman?'

"Remember me? I'm your running shoes. Remember what running is?"

'You have a very advanced case of athlete's foot.'

'If I have to buy my sneakers with MY money, doesn't that blur the line between allowance and support.'

Blogging Shoes

'Shall I box up the shoes, or does your son want to fly them home?'