Snarky Critic Gifts

"Yes, your work does speak to me and it's telling me you can't paint."

"There's a lot of back stabbing going on in this company."

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

'My dentist recommended it.'

"Can you hear me now?"

I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Mom's Mortuary

Art Gallery.

"Any family history of stroke? Diabetes? Bankruptcy?"

'Your hair is messy,stand up straight. You look unkempt.'

Plug: ' OHHH, Baby Baby.'

"No, the guy who had this job before me didn't retire - he escaped."

'This is what we call a 'patient'...you MAY find some reference to one of them on page 435 of your manual.'

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'

China deploys troops to prepare for an American invasion of North Korea. Russia warns that if America attacks Syria again, Russia will respond with force. Y'know, last time we had a world war, we weren't the ones everyone was defending themselves against. Sometimes when you're playing tag, it's more fun to be "it." We should have out own political show.

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."

"I usually vote for whoever promises to cut the most tax."

'I always vote for the candidate I think will do the least damage.'

'No.32...congratulations: your pay is frozen. No.38...well done: you're on short term working. No.14...'

'You are accused of internet fraud. How do you wish to blog?'

"...now it's time for a round up of our national sports - soccer, cricket, and knocking the BBC...."

Balance Sheets in Space

"Every few years, Gordon and the TV get a couple of inches wider."

Stopping Coronavirus

"If the stock market fluctuates due to the emotions of mostly men, isn't there some kind of hormonal therapy available to level those out for them?"

Who has two thumbs and

Government a la Carte

"Help!"

'Tell me if this hurts.'

Potholes and the homeless: The solution

"I warned you, Silvia, all 8 foot lizard creatures are the same."

Things are looking up!