Snappy Comeback Lover Pillows

"Yes I can read palms and if you don't remove yours from my thigh, you'll be reading my palm with your face!"

"They must be from a time when it was safe to meet in the park at night."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

'I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you're going to get to relive the thrill of building your company up from nothing!'

The Clown Hit

The First Hecklers

Revenge Graffiti.

'Why are you so obnoxious?' 'Heredity!'

'Do you think he'll win a second term?', 'I don't know - I'm not sure I'm ready for 'Baracky II.''

Charles Darwin, stand-up comic

'I would go to the end of the world for you.' - 'Yes, but would you stay there?'

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

'Reinventing myself.'

"You remember Eric. He used to carry my books home from school."

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

'True but only in practice, not in principle.'

Not Such A Fool As He Looks.

Mysteries of the ocean...

"You've got a green light - use it!"

'Don't worry about it, nurse. Mr. Jones is one of my private patients.'

'It's not a stable, it's a pop-up hotel'

"I'm afraid we've lost that loving feeling."

Zombie stand up

"He killed in rehab."

'My homework? Why, at home.'

High Tea

"We decided to restore our home to its original state."

'If I can't put her out of her misery, at least I can put myself out of mine.'

"Yep, I was the little runt you used to tease all the time! Guess what, I had a late growth spurt..."

Christmas Party Pick-up Lines.

"Kid, you got a 'While You Were Out' message."

Man and a woman sit in a living room; a sign on the wall behind them reads "100% Recycled Conversation".