Financial Comeback Lover Pillows

'I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you're going to get to relive the thrill of building your company up from nothing!'

The day the stock market went UP.

Jumping Wall Street.

"Your resume's very impressive, but we're looking for a financial wizard."

"I've brought companies back from the brink of disaster before Phil, but to bring one back from the dead? I'm still patting myself on the back over that one!"

"Phew! I'm glad this part of the ride is over..."

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

'Last night Warren Buffett came to me in a dream and whispered in my ear, but it was just sexual.'

"He was expecting a golden handshake."

"All in favor of changing out name from '17th Federal Savings & Loan' to 'Still Here Bank'..."

'Do we have any stocks rated 'cute'?'

'...but then the Dow rallied and the blue chips began to rise...'

White Collar Imposter

'I sure thought we were done for when we flat-lined like that.'

'Frankly, I'm looking for someone who's tall, dark and solvent.'

"Yes I can read palms and if you don't remove yours from my thigh, you'll be reading my palm with your face!"

Snowman in front of IRS wears barrel

"I have complete confidence that the company will overcome its debt load."

'Ask your doctor if investing in the market is right for you.'

'When to sell a stock? My rule has been to do it when I'm ready to skip the country with my client's assets.'

Magnifying the Euro

"Sure, you lost most of your money investing in this stock, but they did give you a participation trophy."

'I had to co-pay for the bagel.'

'I don't answer questions about investments. The subject is much to complicated and best left to professional advisors.'

A mortgage based on your income would be about £120000 but if we take into account the size and voluptuousness of your breasts then the figure would be nearer £400000.

'Remember when, if we needed a new toaster, we just took our money out of one bank and put it in another!'

Robert Macaire having lost his company's money

Fatcat pay

'Our revised plan is to inject live stem cells into the economy to make it grow.'

'If our advertising seems to suggest that we'll give a loan to anyone regardless of risk, it's because we will.'

'My attorney will explain why calling it a 'bear market' makes me a victim of profiling.'

You're £500 overdrawn. Only kidding, but the shock cured your hiccups!

Desert island within a purse.

'You mean we're not bankrupt?'

"They approve of 'greed' down here, so they let me take my portfolio with me."