Snappy Comeback Lover Gifts

"Yes I can read palms and if you don't remove yours from my thigh, you'll be reading my palm with your face!"

"They must be from a time when it was safe to meet in the park at night."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

'I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you're going to get to relive the thrill of building your company up from nothing!'

The First Hecklers

The Clown Hit

Revenge Graffiti.

'Why are you so obnoxious?' 'Heredity!'

Charles Darwin, stand-up comic

'Do you think he'll win a second term?', 'I don't know - I'm not sure I'm ready for 'Baracky II.''

"You remember Eric. He used to carry my books home from school."

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'

'Reinventing myself.'

'I would go to the end of the world for you.' - 'Yes, but would you stay there?'

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

Mysteries of the ocean...

Not Such A Fool As He Looks.

'True but only in practice, not in principle.'

'Don't worry about it, nurse. Mr. Jones is one of my private patients.'

"You've got a green light - use it!"

A couple in bed together with their phones.

'It's not a stable, it's a pop-up hotel'

'A priest, a Rabbi and a minister walk into a barn...'

Zombie stand up

"He killed in rehab."

'My homework? Why, at home.'

"I'm afraid we've lost that loving feeling."

High Tea

"We decided to restore our home to its original state."

"Kid, you got a 'While You Were Out' message."

Christmas Party Pick-up Lines.

"Yep, I was the little runt you used to tease all the time! Guess what, I had a late growth spurt..."

'If I can't put her out of her misery, at least I can put myself out of mine.'