Smooth Talkers T-Shirts

'Thanks for the order, Mr Barnes and I want you to think of me as your friend.'

'He's trying to talk them into giving themselves up!'

Detox meets Botox.

"You're looking good today. Is that a new dress? By the way, I'm sure this is a mistake...maybe you can raise it to..."

Bryan Ferry

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

What should we do this fine Sunday? I have an idea. Let's spend the day staring at each other and using pet names. Ahem. You affection is making us ill! They're upset, Monkey Bear. You're so handsome. We're trying to eat!

'May I have the key to your heart?'

I'll admit I haven't been waiting all my life to meet you, but I have waited through a rough pencil sketch, the inking process and Photoshop lettering. Surely that's worth something! !?!

"So, do you walk the talk? Replete the tweet? Sext the text?"

'Correct me if I'm wrong.' (Everyone holds their hand up).

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

The Language of Love

"What might you have written that I might say I've read?"

"So you're saying if I wasn't so smart, I'd have more friends?"

'Did anyone ever tell you that you look lovely under the glow of these energy saver lights?'

Snail slow to react to an ant's joke.

He took every chance to practice his talk.

That's a shame. What's a shame? Did I do something wrong, officer? TSA. Yes, you did. You let your boyfriend turn you down. So what if he's 15,000 miles away in Russia? If I were your man, I'd never let that stop me. I would fly to the ends of the earth for you. This routing ever work for you? Good lord this routine must work for you.

'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

'With me and Dave it was definitely love at first sight. How about you two?'

Santa's Workshop. Ernie runs that sanding machind here. He says that makes him a "smooth operator."

You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that? Many times. How would you like to be the "after" image in my new ad touting the health benefits of our new nonfat kale macchiato. Let me guess: You'd also like an old picture of me where I was weak and puny, so you can claim that's the "before" picture. Don't worry, I've got that part covered. Something about you looked different today, Rudy. Would you like fries with that observation?

"You look so beautiful. Twinkling in the moonlight."

Small Talk Therapy

'For the last time: no, you could not interest me in a cold fusion experiment!'

J. Ludlow: Soldier, Statesman, Author, Windbag.

Women pro tennis players having a conversation

Said Cohen? Who's askin? Someone who is about to make your dreams come true. Why? Are you gonna let me yell at you until you bleed? Caustic. Quick-witted just as Facebook led me to believe. What the heck are you talking about?!?! Nothing. Ready to experience pure joy? I'm ready to attack!!

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

A shy parish cleric seeking to talk business with a lady

"Let's hope his sale pitches are better than his passes."

"You can try all you want, but being smooth is just something you're born with."

"Sure you remember me. I'm the guy who collapsed here last night... right in front of your... and had to be rushed to the hospital."