Smooth Talker Wannabe T-Shirts

Seductive lines that just don't cut it.

A tortoise running along the side of the road, panting.

Bryan Ferry

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

'May I have the key to your heart?'

'Thanks for the order, Mr Barnes and I want you to think of me as your friend.'

'Correct me if I'm wrong.' (Everyone holds their hand up).

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

Mail and Femail restrooms for envelopes.

The Language of Love

Obedience School.

"So you're saying if I wasn't so smart, I'd have more friends?"

'Did anyone ever tell you that you look lovely under the glow of these energy saver lights?'

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

"It's your real-estate agent. She says she may have found you a higher ledge."

'I hope he doesn't pick on ME!'

'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

'For the last time: no, you could not interest me in a cold fusion experiment!'

"Idolistentopodcastsatdoublespeed. How'dyouknow?"

J. Ludlow: Soldier, Statesman, Author, Windbag.

"You look so beautiful. Twinkling in the moonlight."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

"You say the nicest things. . . and perfectly sober as well."

Speed Checked by Radar.

'Expensive wine, long-stem roses, imported candies...wasn't our argument about MY spending habits?'

"Sure you remember me. I'm the guy who collapsed here last night... right in front of your... and had to be rushed to the hospital."

'I forgot who I'm supposed to talk to and why.'

"Let's hope his sale pitches are better than his passes."

"You can try all you want, but being smooth is just something you're born with."

Detox meets Botox.