Smoky Stylist Gifts

The Texas Chainsmoker's Mascara.

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

Bad hair day!

People in the mirror may be more attractive than they appear.

Beauty is in the eye of the manipulator.

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Pashminas are sooo noughties!

The Stat-shoe of Liberty.

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Pampered and poodled.

Shoe addict.

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

"I don't like your application."

My Bangs: A Play in 5 Acts

The Young Ladies' Young Gentleman

'Trust me, it's very proper to mix stripes.'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

"A naked dress is perfect when you have nothing to wear."

Vivienne Westwood

Dolores is so avant garde.

"Who's a pretty girl now?"

"Next time you meet me dressed as a giant boy, it's going to cost you a pair of diamond earrings."

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

Half-Price Haircut and Half-Cut Price Hair.

'I think there's been some mistake...'

"I'm not trying to be beautiful, I'm only trying to look better than everyone else there."

Punkins

"Would the gentleman care for a razor and comb to start?"

Cinderella insisted on always having glass slippers - even into old age...

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

"Perhaps a cozy scarf to go with the hat?"

"It's a nice halo and all, but I'm not sure it matches my outfit."