Smoker Savant Gifts

Barbeque Silhouette Identifier.

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Bad for you but to die for

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

"Hickory smoke—that's what gives it that hearty Western flavor."

Merry Christmas.

"Ultimately, we realized we share too many app subscriptions not to make it work."

'I hate having to go outside for a cigarette!'

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

"I can really taste my food since giving up smoking, so I've started again."

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"Gosh! Look what he's done to his Harry Potter books..."

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

"Remember, son, you can be anything you want to be...except for maybe an aroma therapist."

'A lab had me smoking cigarettes for months. I'm living off my disability payments. You?'

"I could easily change to a healthier lifestyle, but then I'd live longer and be a burden on my loved ones in my old age."

"The other reindeer sent me back to the smoking section."

Budget Munchies

'Turn we women loose in the malls - that'll stimulate the economy.'

"So it's agreed then. From now on we're to do our hourse trading in partially smoke-filled rooms."

I'm afraid your hour is up, Al� I'm resume talking you down next week at the usual time.

'Smells good. What is it?'

Vaping cigarette

"Teeth cleaned. No questions asked."

Nature is not perfect

"I don't understand why kids' pants have so many pockets."

'We don't get many takers for the smoking section anymore.'

'Hi, Mom. I volunteered you to bring cookies for snack time at school for every other day!'

'I don't mind him smoking in bed. . .But not herrings.'

'Since Darwin said it's survival of the fittest, I thought I'd better take up an aerobic sport.'

"Mr Hudson, could you kindly refrain from smoking in the brain scan machine."

'My doctor's fit note suggested a phased return to work. I'll see you for another smoking break tomorrow.'

Sergei Rachmaninov