Smoke Seeker Gifts

"You must cut down on your smoking."

'Feel free to smoke anywhere you want - everyone here's already dead anyway.'

Cigarette Break.

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Canine Scentipede

Honest Vending

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"It's smells so good, but why do you have to wait so long?!"

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"Finally a perfume store my husband will enjoy visiting."

The New Normal

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

'I hate having to go outside for a cigarette!'

Professional woman in pub

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

Pheromones.

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'This is a very powerful perfume -- there's a ten-day waiting period.'

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

In prehistoric times, there were hunters, gatherers and guys who never had change.

"Brat"

Student Food Pyramid

Bill stumbles upon an automated taco maker.

'Beer? Wassat then?'