Smoke Seeker Gifts

"You must cut down on your smoking."

'Feel free to smoke anywhere you want - everyone here's already dead anyway.'

Cigarette Break.

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

Canine Scentipede

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Honest Vending

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"It's smells so good, but why do you have to wait so long?!"

The New Normal

"Finally a perfume store my husband will enjoy visiting."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

Professional woman in pub

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

'I hate having to go outside for a cigarette!'

Starvation Watching

Pheromones.

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

"Whoa! One last doughnut left."

In prehistoric times, there were hunters, gatherers and guys who never had change.

'This is a very powerful perfume -- there's a ten-day waiting period.'

Student Food Pyramid

"He did it!"

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"Brat"

Bill stumbles upon an automated taco maker.