Smarty-pants Humorist Pillows

Albert Einstein

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Miss America IQ Pageant

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'I'd like to challenge the test.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

"Being the smartest girl in third grade is going to Melinda's head."

German School

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"According to my calculations...school starts in exactly 20 days!"

"Why do people think using big words is a bad thing?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"What are you doing?"

The Evolution Of Man

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

"I learned about the despotism at the same time you did."