Smarty-pants Humorist Gifts

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Miss America IQ Pageant

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'I'd like to challenge the test.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"Being the smartest girl in third grade is going to Melinda's head."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

German School

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"According to my calculations...school starts in exactly 20 days!"

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

"Why do people think using big words is a bad thing?"

The Evolution Of Man

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

'Everyone's using your theorem, Pythagoras. I told you you should have patented it.'

"I learned about the despotism at the same time you did."