Pageant Satirist Pillows

'We've decided to skip the swimsuit competition on account of how disgusting we all look.'

Miss America IQ Pageant

The Female Brain and The Other One

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

'Have you any W fronts?'

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

The Inventor of the Man Bun!

Phone Mittens

"Gap... Tony Soprano fit"

The return of Miss Subways

Hospital gown pageant.

Miss Advertising transformed in the dressing room.

Toilet roll beauty tips.

The caricature of Dorian Gray

"I'm looking for a tie that retracts a statement."

"Welcome aboard, Withers. Now just go see Personnel on seven, and Pants on twelve."

Boldly going where no man has gone before.

"Apparently, he's well over 100 now."

Circus Pageant

Home for the Holidays

'Okay you can get dressed. That will help me determine the billing.'

Stay at home

Luke Warm & Over E-Z: The World's Blandest Rappers.

Everyone knew it was a hideous style, but nothing was ever said.

"I'll only remove what's necessary...your gall bladder and the man bun."

'The secret to great abs? Marker pen.'

Ugly sisters

'You guys like to get into the holiday spirits?'

Paparazzi at the Local Dump

"Wingtips - this is a white collar gang."

The latest fall fashion trends

Holy cow. Holycow. Holycow. What? You won't believe the American hero coming to the cafe. Lady Gaga? Kanye? Elon Musk? A venture capitalist. Do I look greedy enough in this shirt? I weep.

"Congratulations to Miss Jupiter."

"Oh God, beards are so passe."

"She really lights up a room. Face it Patty, we don't hold a candle to her."