Pageant Philosopher Pillows

"I'm Miss Missouri, but my goal is to become Miss California."

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

Miss America IQ Pageant

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

The return of Miss Subways

'I found this copy of 'Atlas Shrugged' under his mattress!'

Miss Advertising transformed in the dressing room.

'I owe all my drive, ambition, and dedication to student debt.'

Circus Pageant

'You guys like to get into the holiday spirits?'

"Congratulations to Miss Jupiter."

5lbs + 5lbs= ?

"Poor lady, she never wins these pageants. She has a really weird run."

Woman wearing Miss 1977 sash: 'Things pretty much went downhill from there.'

'In our class's Christmas pageant, I'm playing the department store manager.'

Miss America IQ pageant.

'I wonder if I would be allowed to wear a baseball cap.'

Favorite author? Whoever wrote the Bible.

Blank Inside

Miss Jumbo Queen Pageant.

'We've decided to skip the swimsuit competition on account of how disgusting we all look.'

"Hi. My name is Tanya and, if elected, my agenda will be cheddar! Cheddar, cheddar, cheddar!!"

How To Be In The Moment...a few moments before anyone else.

7th annual weird fishes pageant

Beauty Contest

'Welcome to the Miss Universe Pageant! And for the 62nd year in a row, Miss Bermuda is mysterious missing!'

'I could wile away the hours / Conferrin' with the flowers / Consultin' with the rain...'

"As the new Miss Individual I shouldn't care what you think."

"My wife enters every competition going."