Body Image Satirist Pillows

'The secret to great abs? Marker pen.'

'And I'm'm not coming out of there 'til I'm amber!'

'Do you think this dress does enough to point out my bust?'

"No matter how much I workout, my arms still look sticks."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

The Female Brain and The Other One

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

The return of Miss Subways

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

Glimpses One Dollar

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

Toilet roll beauty tips.

Woman leaves cosmetic surgery as her waste skin is dumped in skip.

Boldly going where no man has gone before.

"Hide? What do you mean hide? We are literally camouflage and they still eat us!"

"It's a bird feeder to attract birds of prey."

I hate the spring ritual of not being able to wear a bulky sweater to cover the weight I've gained during the winter.

Energy Drinks

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

'Could you give me big tits?'

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

'I used to be a pack animal. Lately, I've become a two pack animal.'

"Okay, but irony aside, what happens once we get into their den?"

"Trust me, she's had work done."

'I would appreciate if your young lady waited for you up the road,Wilkins.'

Covid-19

"Based on blood tests and the X-ray, I'd say it's 'a guy thing'."

Have you got any nails? I'm on a diet.