Obesity Satirist Pillows

Man with each foot on a set of scales.

"Two vegans, please."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

Weight Gain Denial

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

"Is it working?"

'Live there? I might as well wear it on my hips!'

I hate the spring ritual of not being able to wear a bulky sweater to cover the weight I've gained during the winter.

"There is some evidence that chocolate can be good for you... But the health benefits tend to fade after the first 20 kilos."

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

'The secret to great abs? Marker pen.'

'I'm on a strict diet... so no pie charts.'