Body Image Satirist Gifts

'The secret to great abs? Marker pen.'

'And I'm'm not coming out of there 'til I'm amber!'

'Do you think this dress does enough to point out my bust?'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

The Female Brain and The Other One

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

The return of Miss Subways

Glimpses One Dollar

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

Toilet roll beauty tips.

Woman leaves cosmetic surgery as her waste skin is dumped in skip.

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

Energy Drinks

"It's a bird feeder to attract birds of prey."

"Hide? What do you mean hide? We are literally camouflage and they still eat us!"

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

I hate the spring ritual of not being able to wear a bulky sweater to cover the weight I've gained during the winter.

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

'Could you give me big tits?'

"Okay, but irony aside, what happens once we get into their den?"

"Trust me, she's had work done."

'I would appreciate if your young lady waited for you up the road,Wilkins.'

Covid-19

Have you got any nails? I'm on a diet.

"Based on blood tests and the X-ray, I'd say it's 'a guy thing'."

Hey, I think I'm going to like global warming.

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"Apparently removing my reproductive organs wasn't enough."