Self-image Satirist Pillows

'Saline implants? That'd kill you! I'd take anything Rick says with a grain of salt- But I suppose that'd kill you too.'

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

'I would appreciate if your young lady waited for you up the road,Wilkins.'

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

"Oh, come on! At least tell me I'm in the top fifty fairest people in the land!"

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

Bald Man Overcomb

Improve your leaping ability or your money back.

California Beverages Map

New from Lockdown Press

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

"I'm a HUNK of burning love!"

"It's easy. The first step is to entirely change who you are."

EAT HAY LOVE One Horse's Search for Everything

"Yes, but why did they use a picture that makes me look fat?!"

I hate the spring ritual of not being able to wear a bulky sweater to cover the weight I've gained during the winter.

"I'd like to have myself declared legally blonde."

Bald hairdresser recomending hair restoring lotion

'The secret to great abs? Marker pen.'

"It's from my Swiss account."

Lady to man about big hole in wall: 'Show some gumption. Are you a man ... or are you a mouse?!'

"Long term I'm worried about global warming - short term, about freezing my ass off."

7 Reasons You Might Be Irish. . .

"Apparently removing my reproductive organs wasn't enough."

Notice. I no longer respond to an questions regarding kilts! Thank you.

I call it "Self-portrait in Quicksand."

'Can Johnny come out?'

M.D. I think of my body as a temple! I think you should decrease the building fund.

"No matter how much I workout, my arms still look sticks."

Idiots guide to being an idiot.

Cat Self-Help Support Group

Business Seminar: How to profit from inflation.

'Honey, does the wild pig that I swallowed whole for lunch make me look fat? No, dear, it's just the lighting.

'And I'm'm not coming out of there 'til I'm amber!'