'Oh, I have a very important job. I'm in charge of synchronizing all of the television commercials.'
Self-importance Satirist Pillows
Add some humor to their home with pillows featuring playful designs for the self-importance satirist. These witty accents bring a lighthearted touch to their favorite spaces.
'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'
Man posing on beach as women ignore him.
'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'
Bald Man Overcomb
New from Lockdown Press
Lady Liberty's Self-Care
"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"
Bald man with a brush on his head
"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."
"I'm having a bad forehead day."
"I'm a HUNK of burning love!"
"It's easy. The first step is to entirely change who you are."
"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"
EAT HAY LOVE One Horse's Search for Everything
"I was just talking to Charlie Rose in my head."
Bald hairdresser recomending hair restoring lotion
'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'
"Last year I didn't meet any of my work goals, so this year my goal is to fail at everything"
"Long term I'm worried about global warming - short term, about freezing my ass off."
"Apparently removing my reproductive organs wasn't enough."
To: Rudy Park. From: Lemont Brown. Hey Rudy, it's me. Long time no talk. How are you these days? Lemont? From Berkeley? Tap tap tap tap. Yeah. Man … Putnam Hall 1993. Those were the days. What ever happened to our roommate Ken? Tap tap tap tap tap tap. Divided Airlines. Divided Airlines. You know, that freak who was always writing articles about "news" and junk for the school paper ... That MORON who didn't know a Gameboy from a GameGear ... That big baby whose mommy was always calling to check
I call it "Self-portrait in Quicksand."
Idiots guide to being an idiot.
Cat Self-Help Support Group
'I would appreciate if your young lady waited for you up the road,Wilkins.'
"My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis."
Business Seminar: How to profit from inflation.
'Saline implants? That'd kill you! I'd take anything Rick says with a grain of salt- But I suppose that'd kill you too.'
'Honey, does the wild pig that I swallowed whole for lunch make me look fat? No, dear, it's just the lighting.
Armstrong, I'm not qualified to give you dating advice. When it comes to that stuff, I'm the WORST. Why not ask Randy? Because Randy's advice is as good as it gets. There's nothing to improve on, so it's a bad investment. But if someone gives me glaringly bad advice, I can easily spot the errors, correct them, and compile it all into a best-selling advice book. Dating tip #1: Dating is not an investment. Beautiful. Keep 'em coming.
'Don't try and cheer yourself up. Leave it to us experts.'
"You are a very special person with a hangover!"
"I've just joined a support group for boring people."
'Me, I weigh myself in the water: I get a better reading...'
Self-importance Satirist Pillows Collection
Self-importance Satirist Mugs
Find more witty and satirical mugs perfect for the self-importance satirist in our mug collection.
Self-importance Satirist Prints
Discover humorous art prints that mock vanity and self-importance, perfect for the witty and satirical soul.
Self-importance Satirist T-Shirts
Browse our collection of clever, satirical t-shirts that celebrate the humor of the self-importance satirist.