Self-importance Satirist Pillows

'Oh, I have a very important job. I'm in charge of synchronizing all of the television commercials.'

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

Bald Man Overcomb

New from Lockdown Press

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

Bald man with a brush on his head

"I'm having a bad forehead day."

"I'm a HUNK of burning love!"

"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."

"It's easy. The first step is to entirely change who you are."

"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"

EAT HAY LOVE One Horse's Search for Everything

"I was just talking to Charlie Rose in my head."

Bald hairdresser recomending hair restoring lotion

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

"Last year I didn't meet any of my work goals, so this year my goal is to fail at everything"

"Long term I'm worried about global warming - short term, about freezing my ass off."

'I would appreciate if your young lady waited for you up the road,Wilkins.'

Idiots guide to being an idiot.

Cat Self-Help Support Group

"My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis."

"Apparently removing my reproductive organs wasn't enough."

Business Seminar: How to profit from inflation.

'Saline implants? That'd kill you! I'd take anything Rick says with a grain of salt- But I suppose that'd kill you too.'

'Honey, does the wild pig that I swallowed whole for lunch make me look fat? No, dear, it's just the lighting.

"If I hear someone use the word 'mindful' one more time, I'm going to lose my mind."

'Don't try and cheer yourself up. Leave it to us experts.'

"You are a very special person with a hangover!"

"Society is so PC these days - I can't even poke fun at myself without offending someone."

"I've just joined a support group for boring people."