Smart Gifter Pillows

"We spent a fortune on those gifts, and they couldn't even get us a card!"

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'Who said romance is dead? I just downloaded a screensaver with red roses and chocolates for your PC!'

'Thanks mum, it's just what I always wanted!'

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

'I gotta bad feeling about this.'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

How the gift registry should really work

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

"The Valentine's Day gift that has it all - a card made from edible flowers dipped in chocolate!"

Bagel problems.

"You don't think rum-filled centers would give his officers the wrong impression?"

That's what I hate about sole proprietorship. On Boss's Day, nobody gives me a gift.

"Gold ... Frankincense ... Myrrh ... why wouldn't wise men bring diapers?"

"Christmas is almost here! Remember, it's the greatest happiness to give. And I want all of you to be very happy this year."

"Okay, I got your stuff ordered. I work remotely now."

Last-Minute Gifts

'Re-gifting has become socially acceptable, dear, but re-carding is going a little too far.'

While Santa's Hybrid Sled has made environmentalists and animal rights activists happy, there isn't much room left for toys.

'Now surprise me-who'll be getting the MOST prezzies this year??'

"Happy birthday!"

'So there I was, alone in the aisle, heart pounding, without a bloody clue as to what wine I should bring our hosts.'

A panhandler with a sign that reads "If not me, who? If not now, when?"

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

"I got a watch of sorts when I retired...they gave me the old security camera I sat beneath for 20 years."

"I took the liberty of buying myself a Father's Day gift."

Two Christmas Stockings - One for Presents, One for Receipts

Some online retailers are offering to exchange any gift after Christmas. We don't need to match that to keep market share. Our business model is entirely different that theirs. Meanwhile, at the mall. Halloween has come and gone ... Thanksgiving went too soon ... so now I hum a Christmas tune ... that's played in stores since June!

"No single, childless adult with very little family and only one friend can possibly get that many Christmas gifts."

santa claus megaphone.

"I'll be annoyed if you spend too much on much Christmas present!!"

To Donate Please Go To My Website.

Flowers - "You got anything that says I put a lot of thought into this gift." (Colour)

Wife recycles gift of tie to husband.