Smart Alec Collector T-Shirts

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

That midnight hour when fleeting memories come home to roost.

Hey. Hey. Polly wants some folly.

Attic of hopes and dreams...

'Universal remote, my eye!'

"I detect an accent – money?"

"Jack, I'm looking through these old love letters, faded flowers and other sentimental objects meant to inspire tender memories… junk?"

Blaise Pascal

Since the invention of the remote control, the average American man has gained 34 pounds!: 'Where is that thing!?'

In case of emergency...break glass: Crisis Manual.

'I don't know if artificial intelligence in a toaster is a good thing. It just seems to make toast whenever it feels like it.'

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

'We think it's time we told you - you were early adopted.'

"Look what we found yesterday when we were cleaning out the attic."

"You need the exercise, so I bought you a bigger remote."

"Is that Penny I smell? It's been so long... Hold on, is this Dougie? No way! That crazy mongrel, he is nuts! I remember that time he chased those kids on skateboards all the way down Cliff Street. Wait, is this Rosie?!"

'Why did Oliver Twist?'

'We've given you a brain scan and we can't find anything.'

"So THIS is where all the lost remote controls end up..!"

'You go and take stacks of photos. I'm going to read and I'll look at them when we get back to England.'

"That's the remote control he's holding. He could never rest in peace without it."

'Any worldly advice?' 'Yep. Don't get up too quickly.'

The Diary

'Where ya goin'?' 'Collectin' nuts.'

"My 'smart' doll doesn't say much, but she sure is a good listener!"

". . . and over here you'll be sorting every single digital photo you've ever taken."

Portrait

'You missed a channel.'

"I'd like a really old black n' white TV set, so I can watch all the stuff I used to like as a kid..."

"Wait, let me gt my universal remote!"

'What an uncanny coincidence! The starter, main course, dessert and wine you've ordered are all the cheapest on the menu!'