Smart Alec Collector Gifts

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

That midnight hour when fleeting memories come home to roost.

Hey. Hey. Polly wants some folly.

"I had an Android, then I switched to an iPhone. Then I went back to an Android, then I switched back to the iPhone. . ."

Attic of hopes and dreams...

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

'Universal remote, my eye!'

"I detect an accent – money?"

"Jack, I'm looking through these old love letters, faded flowers and other sentimental objects meant to inspire tender memories… junk?"

Since the invention of the remote control, the average American man has gained 34 pounds!: 'Where is that thing!?'

Blaise Pascal

In case of emergency...break glass: Crisis Manual.

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

'I don't know if artificial intelligence in a toaster is a good thing. It just seems to make toast whenever it feels like it.'

'Why did Oliver Twist?'

"You need the exercise, so I bought you a bigger remote."

"Is that Penny I smell? It's been so long... Hold on, is this Dougie? No way! That crazy mongrel, he is nuts! I remember that time he chased those kids on skateboards all the way down Cliff Street. Wait, is this Rosie?!"

"Look what we found yesterday when we were cleaning out the attic."

'We think it's time we told you - you were early adopted.'

'We've given you a brain scan and we can't find anything.'

"That's the remote control he's holding. He could never rest in peace without it."

"So THIS is where all the lost remote controls end up..!"

'Any worldly advice?' 'Yep. Don't get up too quickly.'

'You go and take stacks of photos. I'm going to read and I'll look at them when we get back to England.'

The Diary

'Where ya goin'?' 'Collectin' nuts.'

'And this wearable smartwatch sends a text to my wearable smartglasses to let me know when I'm not wearing any pants.'

"My 'smart' doll doesn't say much, but she sure is a good listener!"

". . . and over here you'll be sorting every single digital photo you've ever taken."

"I'd like a really old black n' white TV set, so I can watch all the stuff I used to like as a kid..."

Portrait

"Wait, let me gt my universal remote!"

'You missed a channel.'

Early Battering Rams