Smart Alecks T-Shirts

'Didn't you hear me calling you?'

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

"There's an app that helped me finish grades 3 through 7. If you need me, I'll be in my room playing video games for the next few years."

'No way Doug! You can not stick it to the man in new season, smart casual menswear!'

'I don't have any formal training, but I do own the complet boxed set of 'Get Smart' DVD's.'

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

'I got a big refund on my income tax.'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

"I want it to look good, but not ill-gotten-gains good."

"With the latest in GPS technology embedded into my phone, who needs a map anymore?"

"It's about time the price of generic drugs went down! Oh, and give me fifty quick picks."

"Good thing I listened to you and implemented the new strategy."

'Why did Oliver Twist?'

'We've given you a brain scan and we can't find anything.'

'In your defense, I see you're not very bright. Most folks take the elevator.'

"But heat rises, so it's cold down here."

'Hear no evil. See no evil. Do no evil'

Sales Clerk tricks woman into an instant merchandise exchange.

'I can't play with you today. I have to show my owner how to change the oil in his BMW. It's a curse being a smart breed.'

Coffee options.

"I know if Crampton were here he'd want us to divvy up his bonus."

'What an uncanny coincidence! The starter, main course, dessert and wine you've ordered are all the cheapest on the menu!'

"I've always feared this day would come. I'm running out of snarky replies."

'It's my new EyeWatch'

'If you were your dog, would you pick you for a best friend?'

"It's about time! -- I ordered that last February!"

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits, and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"I'm old enough to recognize a lecture disguised as grace."

"She has a smart phone, a smart TV and a smart mouth."

Mt. Moriah Church Homecoming: Wipe your feet and tuck in that shirt

'While you're young, your job is to download and store as much data as possible...one day, you'll realize that a very cool utility program called 'wisdom' has interlaces with your operating system...'

"Oh great wise one, how can I experience eternity?"