Slowpoke Appreciator Gifts

"I don't think delivering food is for me. It's always cold by the time I get there."

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

Snail Pattern Balding.

'It's a slow trap.'

"Sure, my dad and my granddad and my granddad's dad were all domesticated. But that doesn't mean I have to be."

'This may be the first day of the rest of my life, but I've decided to wait for the second day.'

Snail slow to react to an ant's joke.

"RUN!"

That's a shame. What's a shame? Did I do something wrong, officer? TSA. Yes, you did. You let your boyfriend turn you down. So what if he's 15,000 miles away in Russia? If I were your man, I'd never let that stop me. I would fly to the ends of the earth for you. This routing ever work for you? Good lord this routine must work for you.

"Month-end report due by month end, ha ha ha ha ha."

"I'm no show dog - I have Alopecia!"

J. Ludlow: Soldier, Statesman, Author, Windbag.

"Have you got it in beige?"

'A 3-speed transmission gives me speeds of slow, slower and slowest'

Speed Dating: Hurry up, you old git!

Granny takes a turtle for a walk.

"Anyone home?"

"We suck at this."

Snail Pattern Balding.

Oh, The Putzing You'll Do

"He won't bite, but he carries with him a large repository of judgements."

"Don't even bother – we missed the deadline to finish our March Madness brackets again."

"Hold your hat ! Here we go!"

"My husband says I'm a procrastinator. I plan to look it up on day."

'Hey buddy, want to race me?'

"Time travel will never happen. You'd have to be able to travel faster than the speed of a tortoise for it to be possible."

'Well, if you're in such a hurry, why did you order snails?'

'Better slow it down a bit.'

Nobody thinks you're funny

"...and find out what happened to my sandwich!"

"Thank goodness speed bumps were finally put in. They drive like maniacs around here!"

'On your mark...'

"Sorry to pull you over, but do you realize how fast you weren't going?"

'You know which one to push Peppy. Push one.'