Slow Food Fan Gifts

'Are you still eating your breakfast? I want to lay the table for lunch.'

Local food for local consumption

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

The proper term for our special promotion is Triple Cheeseburger with a Gazillion fries...not the triple bypass special!

'It's supposed to look and smell greasy.'

"Is the garbage fresh?"

You'll see the food is excellent, but the service is far too slow....

The miracle of 2-for-1 pizza.

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

'The two-pounds-burger menu includes chips, a large drink and an arteriosclerosis treatment.'

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

Sisyphus Pizza

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

Slow food restaurant

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

'I didn't have time to hunt'

'Ethical farm - none of our produce goes to fast food outlets'.

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

That's my boss for you - a platitude with an attitude.

"I was pretty highly respected until email came along."

"The tiny red things were harvested from Frankie's bonsai tree."

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."