Slicer Connoisseur T-Shirts

"We want two pizzas, in small, nonconsecutive slices."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Cheeze Wiz.

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I come here for the pepper."

The Main Types of Cheese

'I love it when you spoon me.'

Full English Breakfast.

Cheese

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

The Running of the Brie

"Just toot my horn and I'll be there."

'Is this a party, a cheese and wine do, a cocktail party, a soiree or just another of your old cronies get-togethers?'

Rejoice! It's time to celebrate the baby cheeses!

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

"Of course I love you more than cheese. What a silly question. In fact, cheese and I are just friends. Nothing's going on between cheese and me."

this bordeaux speaks for itself

'Do I really have to remind you again about which one of us earns the truffles, Jean-Claude?'

Great moments in 'Haute Cuisine'. . . America gives the world the Donut Sandwich.

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'Some blue-arsed fly you turned out to be.'