Cooking Connoisseur T-Shirts

'Sorry, sir, but I had to throw all your t-bone steaks to your dogs so they wouldn't attack me. . . um. . . that'll be $49.71 please. . .'

'We've had a couple of requests for an academic brouhaha, so we'll be preparing one of those today.'

Counting ribs

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"To help illustrate our sales plan I have created a pie chart."

What's your favourite egg?

Self Raising Flour

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Domestic Goddess.

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"I come here for the pepper."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Too much cilantro

A Day In The Kitchen

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

Full English Breakfast.

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

'According to this, she began making wine in her laundry room 30 years ago, and now she's moved on to the garage.'

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

"I grabbed it away from Larry and seasoned it properly just in time. It's a rescue meatloaf."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Regular service or affected?"

this bordeaux speaks for itself

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'Do I really have to remind you again about which one of us earns the truffles, Jean-Claude?'

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'