Cooking Connoisseur Gifts

'Sorry, sir, but I had to throw all your t-bone steaks to your dogs so they wouldn't attack me. . . um. . . that'll be $49.71 please. . .'

'We've had a couple of requests for an academic brouhaha, so we'll be preparing one of those today.'

Counting ribs

Oh, Bob, you remember my friend Julienne?

All I can say is, thank goodness for nametags. Penne. Bowtie. Ziti. Fettuccini. Rotini. Campanelle.

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"To help illustrate our sales plan I have created a pie chart."

'That's a tough question. I suppose I should be served with a dry red.'

What's your favourite egg?

Self Raising Flour

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Domestic Goddess.

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"You're worried about salmonella? We're vultures for cripes sake!"

"I come here for the pepper."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Too much cilantro

A Day In The Kitchen

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

Full English Breakfast.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

"Regular service or affected?"

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"I grabbed it away from Larry and seasoned it properly just in time. It's a rescue meatloaf."