Sleep Sound Analyst Gifts

"I wore a wire last night to prove you really snore!"

"Clearly the patient's experiencing difficulty attaining the deep, final level of restful sleep."

A man's brain is in a glass on his bed stand next to his dentures.

'I'm sleepy all the time.'

"I'm getting paid to assist sleep research..."

“I get that the sounds help you sleep, but I don’t like the way he stares.”

'It's the most amazing case of rapid eye movement I've ever seen.'

"Wake up, Jane! There's a giant talking squirrel at the end of your bed!"

'We have separate bedrooms because I snore and because I can't stand the sight of her.'

The Dangers of Counting Sheep

Wake up! You're hogging all the nails again.

You look tired, Rudy. Nah, I'm actually not tired. Why don't you go take a break. I'll man the counter for you. That's ok, Uncle Mort. Look at those bags beneath your eyes. And … are those wrinkles I see there? Did you know you age faster if you don't sleep? I'm on to you, Uncle Mort. You want me to step away so you can fix yourself an Espresso. Your doctors said no caffeine. You sound paranoid, Rudy. You're seeing duplicity everywhere. That's a symptom of sleep deprivation. I'm just thinking ab

"I set up the sensors. He sees you when you're sleeping."

'My theory is he's faking sleep in order to get the $50 for the study.'

'A cure for insomnia is a good night's sleep.'

'Six months ought to be enough sleep for anyone.'

'Was it the non-flying dream again?'

All-Night Diner

'Gee! I liked Muazk better than this laugh track!'

'Sorry to disappoint you, but being a self-confessed 'lazy bastard'...'

Department of Dream Studies

"Will you PLEEEEASE stop grinding your teeth!"

"I thought you said Dad could sleep through anything."

Changing the dream

Sleep-Eez Bedding

"It looks like another productive night of sleep and exercise. My smart watch logged seven hours of sleep and over 1,500 steps from sleep walking."

'We lose three hours on this trip. Suppose we'll suffer from wagon lag?'

"Here's the plan. I use white noise to cover your snoring and you use earplugs to cover the white noise."

"Baldo, why is this music so loud?"

"Am I doing something wrong? He won't even consider hibernating."

"Instead of roaming around in the dark, bumping into things, I stay in the cave all night with my eyes closed."

'My fitness tracker only logged three hours of sleep last night, but so far today I'm at five hours of day dreaming.'

"Crawford's hard at work, I see!"

It would be disastrous if I had a heart attack. Would not be good. A new study shows that people who take daily naps are 30 percent less likely to have a heart attack. Also 80 percent more likely to get fired. Zzzzzzz.

"No, son, I don't know what decisions will be made about your social security. Good night."