Sleep Pattern Analyzer Gifts

All-Night Diner

* For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

"The overthinker"

See that leg? He's dreaming of chasing rabbits.

"Clearly the patient's experiencing difficulty attaining the deep, final level of restful sleep."

'Sleep on your face again, Phil?'

"I have a recurring nightmare where the paradigm keeps shifting without me."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

A man's brain is in a glass on his bed stand next to his dentures.

"We can't wake her, she's sleepwalking."

'We now have the technology to record your dreams. From now on, your dreams are our intellectual property.'

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

"I also have trouble sleeping. I don't understand why. No one I talk to seems to have any trouble falling asleep."

'I'm sleepy all the time.'

"I'm getting paid to assist sleep research..."

"I had that dream again where I kill my Shrink."

'Last night I dreamt in widescreen and colour, with director's commentary and added extras.'

'There are bankers under my bed.'

Sigmund Freud.

Last night I dreamed I was lying on a beach with Sandra Dee, and a big lifeguard asked to see my beach tag. I didn

"I wore a wire last night to prove you really snore!"

Wake up! You're hogging all the nails again.

"Wow, you sleep up to 18 hours a day! Me too!"

"Wake up, Jane! There's a giant talking squirrel at the end of your bed!"

"your wife insisted we do what we had to do to stop your snoring. And, since she really is rather scary, we were left with no other choice but to remove your face."

Insomnia

You look tired, Rudy. Nah, I'm actually not tired. Why don't you go take a break. I'll man the counter for you. That's ok, Uncle Mort. Look at those bags beneath your eyes. And … are those wrinkles I see there? Did you know you age faster if you don't sleep? I'm on to you, Uncle Mort. You want me to step away so you can fix yourself an Espresso. Your doctors said no caffeine. You sound paranoid, Rudy. You're seeing duplicity everywhere. That's a symptom of sleep deprivation. I'm just thinking ab

A cow's bedside table.

'It's the most amazing case of rapid eye movement I've ever seen.'

I can't decide if your recurring dream about the Hindenburg indicates a preoccupation with death or phallic symbols. I was hoping it just indicted a preoccupation with hydrogen-filled zeppelins.

'Mr. Scrooge, I think we should talk a bit more about this dream you had...'

"I set up the sensors. He sees you when you're sleeping."

'My theory is he's faking sleep in order to get the $50 for the study.'

'As soon as she's out zap her with the brain probe!'

'I think I'm having an out-of-body experience.'