Sleep Researcher Gifts

'My theory is he's faking sleep in order to get the $50 for the study.'

Circadian Rhythm lab.

"Now, just ignore all those sticky things and wires and try to relax. This sleep study only works if you sleep. Please don't waste my time."

'It's the most amazing case of rapid eye movement I've ever seen.'

'I'm sleepy all the time.'

'Tell me why you think you're qualified to work here.'

'Sorry to disappoint you, but being a self-confessed 'lazy bastard'...'

"Crawford's hard at work, I see!"

Department of Dream Studies

A man's brain is in a glass on his bed stand next to his dentures.

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"I think I need an extra pillow."

Wordplay: Hibernation.

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"The overthinker"

* For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

Broken Alarm Clock.

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

'Don't take this the wrong way, Honey, but not only have I decided to hibernate this year, but I want to hibernate in the spare room...'

"Clearly the patient's experiencing difficulty attaining the deep, final level of restful sleep."

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"What's with your hair?"

Let's not do anything we'll regret in the morning. I like to sleep past noon.

"I like to come prepared for meetings."

"You were snoring."

Oh, come on this insomnia is driving me nuts! Just shoot me with a tranquilizer dart, wouldja!

"My boss said I have narcolepsy. She could have waited to tell me after I woke up."

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

The next step in executive efficiency - Microsoft PowerNap.

"Well, NOW I can't sleep worrying about how much we spent on this high-tech mattress!"