Slaughterhouse Workers Gifts

"It's an attempt to make the whole process less stressful on the animals."

'Wake up, dear...did you order extra milk?!'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

"We'll start with the dessert menu."

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'I wish I hadn't coloured in all that bread, now.'

"Hey, you gotta put that away- this is a laptopless bar."

"Do you take dark money?"

Barnyard humor.

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

'We are now entering sombre hour, happy hour has finished.'

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

'Careful, this used to be hot.'

Woman disposes of partner's squash kit in hazardous waste container.

Then I rapidly add cream and butter to the sauce. Ah, get rich quick!

'Well Alice. Now do you know what cull means?'

'Your tea is getting cold.'

Lunch-Hour Highlights

"Nice going, Larry. They're going in after your liverwurst and sardine sandwich that fell behind the fridge last month."

'You want a pizza with everything? -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that?

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

"Excuse me...but there are hairs in my soup. I think we should be supportive when our friends open a business. But sometimes I wonder...what are they thinking?"

All You Can Eat

"Oh him, that's Ron. He's a permanent fixture in here."

You Can Sponsor an American for Just $6 a Day

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

"I need 3 orders of chicken wings. One, too Hot, one, too Cold and one, Just Right."

I can't stop yawning, either. Clams.

"Generally speaking, when his nose gives way, it means he's had enough."

The entrées were $30 each. The extra $15 is for all that damn fresh pepper you made me grind!

'It's not our wine list. It's a list of gastroenterologists.'

'Have you got proof of gender?'