Slaughterhouse Workers Pillows

"It's an attempt to make the whole process less stressful on the animals."

'Wake up, dear...did you order extra milk?!'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

"We'll start with the dessert menu."

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'I wish I hadn't coloured in all that bread, now.'

"Hey, you gotta put that away- this is a laptopless bar."

"Do you take dark money?"

Barnyard humor.

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."

'We are now entering sombre hour, happy hour has finished.'

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

'Careful, this used to be hot.'

'Your tea is getting cold.'

'Well Alice. Now do you know what cull means?'

Woman disposes of partner's squash kit in hazardous waste container.

Lunch-Hour Highlights

"Nice going, Larry. They're going in after your liverwurst and sardine sandwich that fell behind the fridge last month."

'You want a pizza with everything? -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that?

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

All You Can Eat

"Oh him, that's Ron. He's a permanent fixture in here."

"Excuse me...but there are hairs in my soup. I think we should be supportive when our friends open a business. But sometimes I wonder...what are they thinking?"

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

"Generally speaking, when his nose gives way, it means he's had enough."

"I need 3 orders of chicken wings. One, too Hot, one, too Cold and one, Just Right."

The entrées were $30 each. The extra $15 is for all that damn fresh pepper you made me grind!

'It's not our wine list. It's a list of gastroenterologists.'

The Ventriloquist's Arms

'Have you got proof of gender?'