Slack-master Gifts

"I couldn't retire. I wouldn't know what to do with myself."

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

"He's got no idea how to run a Husky team."

The Perfect Cannonball

"You scratch my back, I'll scratch your is just a figure of speech, Ned. A little left, and higher."

'And now over to Mike for the video presentation...Mike?...Mike?'

'You know, this is the 2nd bottle of this I've opened, and I still have no idea what it tastes like.'

"OMG! The PDA was 2 much. I was lol. . . Oh, sorry Daddy, I'm just so use to texting!"

Motor-blender.

'It just needs tidying up a bit.'

Skiing Accidents.

'Mom, I swear it wasn't me! I didn't touch the cookies!'

Servant talking to her old master about her new position

'Don't be a sissy - It's not that cold!'

A jogger being bombarded by tiny battleships in a pond.

Woman strips on a public scale in order to get a lower reading.

'Never mind dear, at least you cut him with your razor sharp wit.'

Border Guard

"I'm going to put you on hold for a few minutes...to see if you totally lose it."

I love badminton.

'Yup, I think mine are broke too.'

High board diver divining for the water.

"O.K., toss and turn and sigh so loud that I have to wake up and ask what's wrong."

'The parachute, McConnel, you ****** self-centered idiot! Pull the ripcord.'

"Is that coffee I smell?" "It is - and you do."

Suddenly, Leo felt an uncontrollable urge to scratch.

'Professional strength deodorant? Are there professional sweaters? Is there a professional sweaters tour? Are there amateur sweaters?'

"Your call isn't at all important to us. That is why you are currently being held thirty-seventh in a queue..."

'Here's where Wii lets you choose traditional baseball, or you can select the 'Virtual Steroids' option and hit a ton more home runs.'

Why would anyone make ornamental roses in wrought iron? Maybe they wanted to stop and smelt the flowers!

Putting on ice skates

Learning to Ski.

Shark in the water polo pool.

'This PowerPoint slide has a dynamic layout comparing reading scores throughout the district, which you would have seen if I remembered to bring a spare projection bulb.'

Cheerleaders