Slack-master T-Shirts

"I couldn't retire. I wouldn't know what to do with myself."

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

"He's got no idea how to run a Husky team."

The Perfect Cannonball

"You scratch my back, I'll scratch your is just a figure of speech, Ned. A little left, and higher."

'You know, this is the 2nd bottle of this I've opened, and I still have no idea what it tastes like.'

Motor-blender.

'It just needs tidying up a bit.'

"OMG! The PDA was 2 much. I was lol. . . Oh, sorry Daddy, I'm just so use to texting!"

Skiing Accidents.

'Mom, I swear it wasn't me! I didn't touch the cookies!'

Servant talking to her old master about her new position

'Don't be a sissy - It's not that cold!'

Border Guard

A jogger being bombarded by tiny battleships in a pond.

Woman strips on a public scale in order to get a lower reading.

'Never mind dear, at least you cut him with your razor sharp wit.'

"I'm going to put you on hold for a few minutes...to see if you totally lose it."

I love badminton.

'Yup, I think mine are broke too.'

High board diver divining for the water.

"O.K., toss and turn and sigh so loud that I have to wake up and ask what's wrong."

"Is that coffee I smell?" "It is - and you do."

'The parachute, McConnel, you ****** self-centered idiot! Pull the ripcord.'

Suddenly, Leo felt an uncontrollable urge to scratch.

'Professional strength deodorant? Are there professional sweaters? Is there a professional sweaters tour? Are there amateur sweaters?'

Putting on ice skates

"Your call isn't at all important to us. That is why you are currently being held thirty-seventh in a queue..."

Learning to Ski.

Shark in the water polo pool.

'This PowerPoint slide has a dynamic layout comparing reading scores throughout the district, which you would have seen if I remembered to bring a spare projection bulb.'

'Clear your desk. You're fired!'

"1 in 6 Americans is hispanic...but only a fraction of elected officials are latino!"