Scratch Master Gifts

"You scratch my back, I'll scratch your is just a figure of speech, Ned. A little left, and higher."

Suddenly, Leo felt an uncontrollable urge to scratch.

'C'mon get it straight.'

"Oh, oh, it seems they've had a little trouble with the hand-off in lane number three."

The Perfect Cannonball

"He's so into social media that he's become anti-social."

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also beating the spread."

'He got a splinter from his scratching post.'

For Greg, it was just another predictable day at Kraft,

'Don't be a sissy - It's not that cold!'

Kevin was very houseproud and it showed.

'Never mind dear, at least you cut him with your razor sharp wit.'

A jogger being bombarded by tiny battleships in a pond.

Supermarket customer types.

'You do nice work!'

I love badminton.

'I throw a strike every time with this ball, but I can only lift it once a night.'

"O.K., toss and turn and sigh so loud that I have to wake up and ask what's wrong."

High board diver divining for the water.

'For the record I find creamed asparagus evil too.'

Those who play with cats must expect to be scratched.

Smoking area. Oh, I don't smoke. I'm just addiction to ten-minute breaks.

Sisyphus still scrolling to find the recipe

"Nasty slice you have but now we're on this course, we may as well switch to it."

'The parachute, McConnel, you ****** self-centered idiot! Pull the ripcord.'

"I couldn't retire. I wouldn't know what to do with myself."

How Bowlers Strike.

'On second thought Mr. Akimoto, perhaps we can give you a loan to open a karate club.'

'Professional strength deodorant? Are there professional sweaters? Is there a professional sweaters tour? Are there amateur sweaters?'

Shark in the water polo pool.

Schoolboy with broken leg.

"Your call isn't at all important to us. That is why you are currently being held thirty-seventh in a queue..."

"I missed a penalty wearing these."