Skincare Skeptic Pillows

'Look! The first active ingredient is marketing spin.'

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

Why are you upset? What did I do? You washed you face with body soap. Uh oh. Is that bad? Will it hurt me? Will I start to get body hair on my face? Will I grow a limb from my nostrils? Will I turn suddenly sarcastic? Boyfriend digging big hole.

Ack! 2010!! We're a whole tenth of the way through the "new" century! Hey! January. We've got a whole nine-tenths left to go. Easy for you to say! You aren't one-tenth of the way through the wrinkle cream Santa brought you.

'I think I'm starting to develop crow's feet, Lance. What should I do?'

'My doctor told me these new Botox injections could be harmful.'

'I wouldn't, it just gave me acne.'

'No, it's not a special on the Grand Canyon. It's an actor's face in high definition.'

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"Round and round the cauldron we go, in the exfoliating toner I throw."

"Too much concealer?"

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

'You need to do something about your dry skin.'

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

New Twenty Blades

Desert Dermatologist

Sunburn lotion, Windburn lotion.

'You do Botox?'

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

'I Love the touch of your dry flakey skin!'

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

"Do you have anything that can help remove dark circles from under my eyes?"

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

The US election is over.

We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of spiritual and artistic therapies which is why we've developed 'megazymol' to enhance the experience!

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Sebum! I think you'll love this property on the left side of the chin. It's a wonderful place to start a pimple."

"How come your skin is sooooo smooth?"

"Apricot pit?! Are you kidding, Mister? This stuff knocks raw avocado and almond nut outta the water!!!"

"To be honest, it's the same stuff just in different bottles!"