Beauty Standards Skeptic Pillows

"Typical pre-lipo period."

"Of course, by now she'd be around a hundred and eighty years old."

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

Woman looking into a mirror

"Define fair."

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

Missing my hair.

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

'This associate has a first rate mind...and a third rate suit.'

"She's genetically modified, you know."

"Someone's been sending me J. Crew catalogues."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

'No, it's not a special on the Grand Canyon. It's an actor's face in high definition.'

Animal cosmetic testing

Whatever look you were aiming for..you missed!

"Girlfriend, you're not fat. You're just retaining a little water."

Romee Strijd caricature

"My talent agent tells me I have the perfect face for a hand model."

"The cost of a haircut? It depends on what's in your underpants."

'My doctor told me these new Botox injections could be harmful.'

'Look! The first active ingredient is marketing spin.'

'I was born as beautiful as you, but after a few years you will see...'

Unnecessary Surgery

"What? It's been ten years. . . She's had six kids for goodness sake. She can't still be the fairest of them all!"

"Yeah, I agree, it is a but unexpected since you were such a handsome caterpillar..."

'I think I'm starting to develop crow's feet, Lance. What should I do?'

"Of course I love your long hair Rapunzel. But maybe you could shave your legs just once in a while?"

"Naturally curly hair."

'Mom, when did your beauty start to slip?'