Beauty Skeptic Pillows

'Mom, when did your beauty start to slip?'

Unnecessary Surgery

"Will you still love me when I'm old and ugly?"

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

Woman looking into a mirror

"Define fair."

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

"To be honest, it's the same stuff just in different bottles!"

"Getting a Brazilian has been nothing like I expected."

'At least we don't have to worry about getting those as gifts.'

"This will make the man in your life wonder where you went."

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

'No, it's not a special on the Grand Canyon. It's an actor's face in high definition.'

Toilet roll beauty tips.

Animal cosmetic testing

'Google Earth is getting SO precise! Right now, I'm zoomed in on Kathy Mangiante's face and I can tell she's had lip implants!'

'My doctor told me these new Botox injections could be harmful.'

Idealized portrait of a rooster.

'Look! The first active ingredient is marketing spin.'

"Actually, I do look a lot like my mom. It's just that I have her first nose."

'I think I'm starting to develop crow's feet, Lance. What should I do?'

"Yeah, I agree, it is a but unexpected since you were such a handsome caterpillar..."

'I was born as beautiful as you, but after a few years you will see...'

TV Programme - Celebrity cosmetically enhanced body parts.

"No no no! Stripes are soooo half-past four!"

"I'm sorry, I can't help you - they just pay me to sit here and look pretty."

How to dress for forty below...if you're over forty, or under twenty.

"Wise up. You and me do not make a ferret craze."

"I asked for razzle-dazzle – not frizzle-frazzle."

"Make my face sag - I want people to think I've never had plastic surgery."

The Beauty of Physics