Skimmed Milk Skeptic Gifts

"No, there's nothing wrong with her. Daisy here has been bred only to produce skimmed milk."

"They’re real."

"You had me at alternative milk."

'Mom, the donut is drinking my milk!'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

'A lot of my stories involve milk.'

Weight Gain Denial

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'At milking time, I just love the soft hands of the new young farm hand: A nice change from old farmer John's...'

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

"I wouldn't have to go on a diet if we hadn't gone metric."

"Do you know what kind of bees make milk? Boo-Bees."

Please seat to be weighted.

Take me to your lactator!

Woman and scales.

The Magic Float

'Mary, watch where you're pointing that thing!'

'Your weight second opinion.'

Milk...Milk...Anything but MILK!!

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

'Be gentle with me!'

Baby drinking competition

'LIAR!'

'I used to have women lined up. Married, unmarried - it didn't matter. Ah, forget it. Another round. Skim.'

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

Now With Organic Artifical Additives

Ask Doctor Ernie. Doctor Ernie, what is your opinion of mood altering substances? When it comes to mood-altering substances, you can't beat hot fudge brownies and a glass of milk!

"I remember the days of skim, 1% and even 2%. Now, it's right to the whole milk section."

Corporate urban legends

'You lie!'

All Organic Pork: "Naturally smoked bacon my ass."

Cow being clamped for milk.