Skimmed Milk Skeptic Pillows

"No, there's nothing wrong with her. Daisy here has been bred only to produce skimmed milk."

"They’re real."

"You had me at alternative milk."

'Mom, the donut is drinking my milk!'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'At milking time, I just love the soft hands of the new young farm hand: A nice change from old farmer John's...'

Weight Gain Denial

'A lot of my stories involve milk.'

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

Take me to your lactator!

"Do you know what kind of bees make milk? Boo-Bees."

The Magic Float

Please seat to be weighted.

Woman and scales.

"I wouldn't have to go on a diet if we hadn't gone metric."

'Mary, watch where you're pointing that thing!'

'Your weight second opinion.'

'I used to have women lined up. Married, unmarried - it didn't matter. Ah, forget it. Another round. Skim.'

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

'LIAR!'

Milk...Milk...Anything but MILK!!

Corporate urban legends

"I remember the days of skim, 1% and even 2%. Now, it's right to the whole milk section."

Baby drinking competition

Now With Organic Artifical Additives

'Be gentle with me!'

'No matter what you do, you can't cheat a bathroom scale...'

'You lie!'

'Wine and food doesn't go to waste in this hous, but it does go to waist.'

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'