Milk Quality Maven Pillows

"I've given up on trying to improve the quality of my milk: It just ends up mixed with milk from other cows in a big vat..."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

Muscles

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"Forget sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm going for buns of steel!"

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

'Sorry, you're just not built right for weightlifting.'

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

"It's your ribs. I'm afraid they're delicious."

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"We'd like bruschetta, and we'd like it pronounced correctly."

Body Building Mishap

'There are shortcuts to making home brew, but taking a swig of malt extract and letting it ferment in your mouth isn't one of them.'

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

"Oh, grow up!"

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Mothercare - " I'm going to shop till I drop."

'Our ultrasound equipment is not working, so we've brought in famed psychic Jennifer Armstrong to give us a vision of the fetus.'

'U.S. Manufacturing'

"So far mum's put on 10 kilos. I guess that's the best passenger safety airbag I'll ever get."

'Waiter, I don't remember ordering this gristle!'

"I'm leaving you for someone who does care what we have for dinner."

'I think breast milk is better... It's free, always fresh and the cat can't get to it.'

"My biggest strength is probably my quads."

'It's the people downstairs again.'