Skeptics Of The Medical World Gifts

"I'll let you in on a little secret -- every pill on these shelves is a placebo, and I have no formal training."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"This report says a happy workforce is a productive workforce, but I need more proof before I go changing everything around."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

Myth Diagnosis

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

"And if Ooh, Eeh, Ooh Ah Ah doesn't work, we'll try Walla Walla Bing Bang."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"