Skeptics Of The Medical World Mugs

"I'll let you in on a little secret -- every pill on these shelves is a placebo, and I have no formal training."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"This report says a happy workforce is a productive workforce, but I need more proof before I go changing everything around."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

"This'll show the Theology Department."

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

"Can atheists refuse to participate?"

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

Myth Diagnosis

"And if Ooh, Eeh, Ooh Ah Ah doesn't work, we'll try Walla Walla Bing Bang."

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment