Skeptics In Training Gifts

"Stop fact checking my story."

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

"I'm going to tell them our number one way to be stress-free is taking a day off to go fishing."

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

"We fell for this last time remember..."

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

"Why do I hate religion? Imagine if half the money ever donated to religion had instead been used for scientific research. That's the world religion stole from me! Instead of worrying about the coronavirus, I could be slaying orcs on a starship's holodeck!"

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

"This report says a happy workforce is a productive workforce, but I need more proof before I go changing everything around."

'We'll skip that rubbish.'

"This'll show the Theology Department."

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

'OK, now you've seen it...'

"If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we admit that the moon landing was a big conspiracy?"

'But how could me speaking at the Secret New Products Seminar break our Confidentiality Agreement?'

The conspiracy behind conspiracy theories.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

"The sky isn't really falling -- I'm just trying to make a living."

"Can atheists refuse to participate?"

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment