Skeptical Lovers Gifts

'No! Romance with malice aforethought!'

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

Cupid misses his shot.

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

'Love gets the credit, but business makes the world go round.'

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"I'm going out on a limb here, and sincerely apologize to my constituents today for the misappropriations and bribes I will take if I'm elected governor."

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

Yes, but.

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

Cupid's Valentine

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

'No wonder the divorce rate is so high!'

"It would never work out- we're from two totally different tiers of the upper middle class."

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."