Skeptical Lovers Gifts

'No! Romance with malice aforethought!'

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

'If I inspired this love peom, how come it's written on the back of a Hooters' napkin?'

Cupid misses his shot.

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

'Love gets the credit, but business makes the world go round.'

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

Yes, but.

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"I'm going out on a limb here, and sincerely apologize to my constituents today for the misappropriations and bribes I will take if I'm elected governor."

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

Cupid's Valentine

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

'No wonder the divorce rate is so high!'

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

Second Thoughts Wedding