Skeptical Listener Gifts

'Does that include the fishing rod?'

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

"Why do I hate religion? Imagine if half the money ever donated to religion had instead been used for scientific research. That's the world religion stole from me! Instead of worrying about the coronavirus, I could be slaying orcs on a starship's holodeck!"

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

"If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we admit that the moon landing was a big conspiracy?"

"I'm going out on a limb here, and sincerely apologize to my constituents today for the misappropriations and bribes I will take if I'm elected governor."

"Nihilistic rage motivates me to cling desperately to this job."

"The sky isn't really falling -- I'm just trying to make a living."

The conspiracy behind conspiracy theories.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

"Can atheists refuse to participate?"

Cemetery with graves engraved 'traditional medicine' and 'alternative medicine'.

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment

'Never, Ever...believe everything you read.'

'If this isn't a placebo you gave me, how come it says 'M&M' on it?'

"My mind is plenty open, Grandma. But not so much that my brain falls out."

Man to man re: crackpot's sign that says, 'Your Nutty Idea Here': Everybody's out to make a buck these days.

"Nope! Not that one! They still believe that 'gods' created the universe!"

I believe their products are rubbish.

"You're not gonna stick that thing in my arm..! Nobody knows what's in it!!"

'What's going on here? What you see is what I get, and what I see is what you get.'

Monitoring the Air Quality

"Thank you for not praying."

'A large Federal study published in the New England Journal of Medicine found that large federal studies don't prove anything.'

"Why does your all-knowing, all-powerful god need marketing?"

'George, are you SURE this is the seminar we signed up for? I haven't heard a single word about managing cash flow in a small business!'