Skeptical Friend Gifts

"If you would like to receive a guaranteed annual income of a million dollars or more, press 'one' now."

"Are you sure there are no nuts in this muffin? I'm allergic."

'Not guilty, but we wouldn't buy a used car off him, m' Lud.'

Bottled water. Frozen water concentrate.

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"Why do I hate religion? Imagine if half the money ever donated to religion had instead been used for scientific research. That's the world religion stole from me! Instead of worrying about the coronavirus, I could be slaying orcs on a starship's holodeck!"

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

"If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we admit that the moon landing was a big conspiracy?"

Cemetery with graves engraved 'traditional medicine' and 'alternative medicine'.

The conspiracy behind conspiracy theories.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

"The sky isn't really falling -- I'm just trying to make a living."

"Nihilistic rage motivates me to cling desperately to this job."

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment

'Never, Ever...believe everything you read.'

'If this isn't a placebo you gave me, how come it says 'M&M' on it?'

"Thank you for not praying."

"You're not gonna stick that thing in my arm..! Nobody knows what's in it!!"

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

Man to man re: crackpot's sign that says, 'Your Nutty Idea Here': Everybody's out to make a buck these days.

"We met on Agnostic Rendezvous."

"Stacy. Stacy. Honey... You're not a doctor."

'What's going on here? What you see is what I get, and what I see is what you get.'

"Proving Jesus lived is harder than finding footprints in the water he walked on."

I believe their products are rubbish.

"Nope! Not that one! They still believe that 'gods' created the universe!"