Skeptic Of Promises Pillows

"Don't worry. It's just an election. . . once it's over all this will just go away."

I thought you said Megson couldn't be bought.

"Nihilistic customer service"

'Well, there's another strikeout. ... get that bat company on the phone. I'm having second thoughts about their so-called 'volume discount.''

'You cal it loyalty, we call it Stockholm Syndrome!'

'Make me a bunch of appointments that I won't be able to keep.'

"This better not be another one of your crazy pyramid schemes."

"Before I give you my answer I just gotta be sure you ain't one of them nasty olee-garks I've been hearing about."

Vote! Wally Yomp, Congress: 'I promise to put the toilet seat down.'

'Maybe you just can't have hope and change at the same TIME.'

Couple with a scratch card - 'Wow! We haven't won a free holiday...'

'Does that include the fishing rod?'

'Can I interest you in insuring against your insurance not paying out?'

"Interesting. Have your lawyer call my lawyer."

'It is a standard contract - sign at the bottom. The first clause forbids you to read any of the others!'

Get rich quick giving seminars!

"The person who gets this job must demonstrate a sincere willingness to go down with the ship."

Proving Jesus lived is harder than finding footprints in the water he walked on.

'Last chance, Fred - do you really want to do this?'

"Do you offer a ceremony less drastic than marriage?"

Let's get married in the morning...then if it doesn't work out, we haven't blown the entire day.

'Oh for crying out loud, Harold! Using a pencil to sign the marriage certificate? Can't you commit to anything?'

'At least you know exactly where you stand with a dealer like Bob.'

"We've elected to uninstall our wedding vows."

'First she testifies against me, and now she marries the prosecutor!'

'Isn't it amazing how homing pigeons can turn into flying pigs?'

"Marry you?�Don't be so deeply unfashionable."

Judgment Day, May 21, 2012

No - I do not have a loyalty card.

"My perfect body accepts my husband's bank account until death or a very expensive divorce do us part."

Internet financial scams

"What's the weather today?"