Skeptic Of Promises Gifts

"Don't worry. It's just an election. . . once it's over all this will just go away."

I thought you said Megson couldn't be bought.

"Nihilistic customer service"

'Well, there's another strikeout. ... get that bat company on the phone. I'm having second thoughts about their so-called 'volume discount.''

'You cal it loyalty, we call it Stockholm Syndrome!'

'Make me a bunch of appointments that I won't be able to keep.'

"Baseball is boring."

"Before I give you my answer I just gotta be sure you ain't one of them nasty olee-garks I've been hearing about."

"This better not be another one of your crazy pyramid schemes."

Vote! Wally Yomp, Congress: 'I promise to put the toilet seat down.'

'Maybe you just can't have hope and change at the same TIME.'

Couple with a scratch card - 'Wow! We haven't won a free holiday...'

'Can I interest you in insuring against your insurance not paying out?'

'Does that include the fishing rod?'

"Interesting. Have your lawyer call my lawyer."

'It is a standard contract - sign at the bottom. The first clause forbids you to read any of the others!'

Get rich quick giving seminars!

Proving Jesus lived is harder than finding footprints in the water he walked on.

"The person who gets this job must demonstrate a sincere willingness to go down with the ship."

"Do you offer a ceremony less drastic than marriage?"

"Baldo, I don't need advice on looking cool in a new car."

'Last chance, Fred - do you really want to do this?'

Let's get married in the morning...then if it doesn't work out, we haven't blown the entire day.

'Oh for crying out loud, Harold! Using a pencil to sign the marriage certificate? Can't you commit to anything?'

'At least you know exactly where you stand with a dealer like Bob.'

'Isn't it amazing how homing pigeons can turn into flying pigs?'

'First she testifies against me, and now she marries the prosecutor!'

"Not one looks like her date's profile pic."

"We've elected to uninstall our wedding vows."

"Marry you?�Don't be so deeply unfashionable."

No - I do not have a loyalty card.

Just kidding, we don't really reject you for not reading all those terms of service agreements.

Judgment Day, May 21, 2012

"My perfect body accepts my husband's bank account until death or a very expensive divorce do us part."

Today's man lesson is "The Art of Promising." I'm ready. Part one: Never